Perry the Prickler Speaks Out!

Originally posted on The Cover Contessa

Hi! *Sways slightly under a heavy fire country wind* I’m Perry the Prickler, but you can just call me Perry for short. I’m very searin’ excited to be here today. I feel extraordinarily lucky to have been invited by David to write a guest post for his blog (whatever that is). He even said he’d type it out for me, on account of the unfortunate fact that I don’t have fingers.

The topic I’ve been given is:

There is a Perry fan club in the world, if you didn’t know. How does this make you feel? What would you like to say to your loyal fans?

What? Who? Where? Fans? No! Nononononono! I had NO IDEA that I (moi, Perry the Prickler) had FANS! Usually all the fangirling and love goes out to the good looking characters from Fire Country, like Circ (the baggard!), who all the girls thinks is the smokiest, or Feve (the wooloo tug-lover), whose markings make the ladies go wild. It’s nice to hear that (finally!) some people have realized what an integral part of the story I am.

But I know that some of you might be a little confused right now, because “pricklers” ain’t that well known outside of Fire Country. So what is a prickler? A prickler is what most people would call a cactus. We come in many shapes and sizes, sometimes carry drinkable liquid inside of us, and occasionally wear flowers in our hair. We tend to grow in hot, desert-like climates, like Fire Country, for example, and protect ourselves with spikes all over our skin (prickles). And apparently, I’m the most famous of the pricklers. Woot woot!

(Side note: if you want to learn all about me, Perry the Prickler and how I played an integral role in Siena’s journey, check out Fire Country by David Estes. Disclaimer: I receive a share of all David Estes’s royalties from sales of Fire Country. I usually use the money to buy jewelry for the lady-pricklers.)

So back to the topic at hand. My fans!!! Mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah! *making kissing noises* I love you all! I’d marry you and have your babies if I had the good to do it. But alas, I’m confined to living out my days stuck in the sand on the northern side of Fire Country. But I’d love some visitors! If you want to visit, my address is Dune 28, Confinement Row, North Fire Country. And bring some lady-pricklers if you decide to come. Oh, and some of that delicious scrubgrass tea. And if it’s not too much trouble, a small beach umbrella—it gets mighty hot out here under the eye of the sun goddess!

But I digress. How does having fans make me feel? Wow. Just wow. My prickly skin is getting hotter just thinking about the idea that there are people out there who know who I am, and recognize that my skills are every bit as important as being able to run and jump and shoot a bow and pointer and swing a sword at the baddies. I mean, who else cracks jokes and taunts the way I do? Who else can make someone blush in three words or less? Exactly, no one. Just good ol’ Perry. So yeah, I’m most honored to have fans and I’d love some fan mail from time to time. I don’t have eyes, but I can see and read. (I know, it’s weird but true.)

What would I like to say to my loyal fans? OK, for starters, some advice:

-One- respect plants. We have feelings too. (Except for those nasty bright-colored flowered ones with thorns. You know, roses? They think they’re better than everyone else.)

-Two- read all David Estes’s books. He’s a real baggard sometimes, but his books are entertaining and he cares about his readers. (Don’t forget to deposit my cut into my Paypal account, David.)

-Three- take lots of water with you when you visit me in Fire Country. It’s very dry here and dehydration is a real danger. And sunscreen too! Don’t make me say ‘I told you so’ when you turn all red.

-Four- if you ever get sent to Confinement (prison in Fire Country), be sure to give me a wave and shout hello! That way I know I can start insulting you right away. The first insult is free!

-Five- if you ever accidentally run into a prickler, apologize to the poor thing! You might be bleeding and hurting, but the prickler didn’t move into your way, you ran into it!

Six- be happy with the way you look and be proud of who you are. You’re perfect just the way you are. (As long as you keep being my fan.)

Seven- never try to give me a high-five. As much as I’d like to, I can’t, and it hurts my feelings.

OK, I’m plumb out of advice. All I got left is to ask that you please please please tell David to include me in more of his books. Just mentioning me in Ice Country and Water & Storm Country didn’t count. I’ve heard I’ll get a cameo in The Earth Dwellers, but I think I’m due a full-length novel all about me at some point, don’t you think?

Thanks everyone for being my fans and for listening to my important nuggets of wisdom! And a special thanks to David for being as wooloo as Siena and letting me rant and rave all over his lovely blog! May the sun goddess shine down on him always! (so he’ll write another book about me)

Dictated by Perry the Prickler

Typed by David Estes