The Seven Doors

Originally posted on Mommy's Reading Break

What a unique topic today! The topic I’ve is: You find yourself in front of 7 identical doors. A voice from above tells you: “These 7 doors lead you to 7 places, Narnia, Neverland, Wonderland, Camelot, Middle Earth, Hogwarts and Westeros.” Which door do you go through? Why? What happens?

My first thought when I got this topic was: OMG! Why? Because it’s freaking hard! Those are all pretty cool/scary doors to have the opportunity to go through. I can almost see: Captain Hook’s…well, his hook…jammed into the door to Neverland; a roundish, and most certainly small, hobbit door for the entrance to middle earth; and a weird, multi-layered flap of a door that ruffles when you walk in, like a shuffling deck of cards (all hearts, of course) for the passage to Wonderland. (I considered going with a rabbit hole or a looking glass for Wonderland, but I figure that’s been overdone.)

I know, I know, just decide already! I’m purposely delaying because I don’t know. I really don’t know. First, let me strike Narnia, I was never a huge fan, sorry C.S.! And Camelot’s gone, too, I prefer watching Merlin to participating in Arthur’s Kingdom. And bye, bye Westeros, you’re a little too dark for me. Hmm, although I wouldn’t mind seeing the decidedly insane Hatter up close and in action, I’ll have to pass on facing off against the particularly witchy Queen of Hearts, so see ya Wonderland!

That leaves Neverland, Middle Earth and Hogwarts. Neverland, against most company, would stand a pretty good chance (who doesn’t want to stay young?), but choosing it over Middle Earth and Hogwarts would be like choosing a stranger’s child over one of my own children (or at least my future children since I don’t yet have any). So Neverland’s out too. That leaves Hogwarts (oh my gosh I would love to meet Dumbledore!) and Middle Earth (my favorite, favorite, favorite…did I say favorite?...series of ALL TIME). I’d give my left…let’s go with left pinky toe on my left foot…to visit the elves, yeah, just like the honorable Mr. Samwise Gamgee! Hmmmmmm…decisions, decisions! I really need someone like Carson Daly on The Voice telling me “David, you really have to make a decision. We have 30 seconds.” in that calm and unflappable voice of his.

OK, Middle Earth it is! *stepping through the red-painted hobbit door marked with a scratch from a wizard’s staff* *nearly hitting head on VERY low doorframe*

Whoa! Yeah, whoa! I didn’t end up in a hobbit hole sitting down to tea with Bilbo and the dwarves. No, nothing like that at all. I’m in the middle of the battle of Helm’s Deep, Gimli and Legolas by my side, killing battle-scarred steroidal orcs and keeping tally of their kills like they’re counting the pennies in their piggy banks. And I have a sword in one hand and a bow in the other but I throw them down because, well because an orc is swinging an axe at my head and the only thing I can think to do is duck and run back toward the Keep. (Yeah, I’m screaming like a little girl, too.)

And that’s pretty much my Middle Earth experience. Because I must get hit on the head at some point as everything goes black and I wake up with a nasty bump on my head and a fair-haired elf pouring bittersweet tea down my throat that tastes like honey and mint and sage and well, sort of like a McDonald’s cheeseburger, too, if I’m being honest. And I feel better almost right away because it’s elf tea and full of awesome healing magic.

Once I’m back on my feet, they send me back through the magical hobbit-hole door with nary a goodbye, see you later, or my preciousssss. That’s when I wake up.

Whew! What an adventure—albeit a short one!—that turned out to be! Now I want to hear from all of you. Which door would you choose and why? And what would happen to you?